Out of Court Settlement Reached in EPA Lawsuit

The full Board of Directors of THE CORPORATION, pictured at right, above, met in Hartford, Connecticut last week to discuss the company's most pressing business. While many of the board members had issues they wanted addressed, the meeting was dominated by the resolution of the lawsuit filed by the Environmental Protection Agency against THE CORPORATION.

The lawsuit, filed last month, targeted the company's humor product manufacturing plant in Detroit, Michigan, pictured at right, above, and was the result of repeated violations against environmental codes established to limit waste emissions into the atmosphere. The Detroit plant was charged specifically with exceeding the aforementioned emission limits by more than 450% over a period of 7 months, as well as tampering with, and the removal of, EPA devices installed to measure such emissions.

Following the meeting, C.E.O. F. Walter Ellison, Jr., announced that the lawsuit had been dropped and that THE CORPORATION had come to an out-of-court settlement with the EPA. Although no details of the settlement were released, EPA Director Lewis Gardner, pictured at far right, above, was seen leaving Hartford in a brand new Chrysler sedan, and has since moved onto a 45-acre Radcliffe Hills estate just outside of Detroit.

Board member and National Vice President of Marketing, George Thompson, reacted promptly to the news of Garder's apparent kickbacks. "The whole meeting was about Gardner," said Thompson. "All I wanted was an expense-paid trip to Greece for my family. Now I'll have to wait until the next meeting to bring it up."