Young Worker Killed by 10-Ton Web Page Proofing Machine

Those of you working in our Hartford office already know Ed McAllister.
Ed, our Northeast Humor Development V.P. is pictured at left with his wife Judy and children (from left) Ed Junior, Ned, Jed, Fred, Penelope and Linus.

Tragedy struck last week as Linus attempted to dislodge a jammed web page from atop the Vista-Web 3000, our modern web page proofing system, shown at right, above. Linus' frail bones and skull were no match for the machine's powerful gears and rollers, and he was killed instantly. A funeral service was held this last Sunday.

While THE CORPORATION has no liablility for the safety of our legions of underage workers, we regret this loss, and commend the McAllister family for their dedication to THE CORPORATION during this hard time. We have given little Jed, Linus' replacement, a brand new whistle and adequate training so that he may alert his superiors if trouble should arise, in the event that the efficient production of humor product is again jeopardized.