by F.Walter Ellison, Jr., C.E.O.

Many years ago, as my father, F. Walter Ellison, Sr., lay on his death bed, he was filled with the fear that all he had worked for would perish at the very same moment he did. This fear caused him in his final moments of life to summon me, then 8 years old, to his side. As I walked down the long hallway toward his expansive bedroom, I was already filled with the enormity of the responsibility of carrying on the empire he had spent his life creating. He was, in fact, almost gone as I entered the room. My expectations of a long and meaningful final conversation were cut short as he drew me close, looked into my eyes and said..."The future is in personal airships, my son. One day soon, everyone will have one. See to that, Frank. See to it..." And then he was gone.

To this day, I thank my merciful God that I ignored my father's flawed vision and set out to realize my own vision of a great incorporation of resources dedicated to creating the finest humor product possible. That and a decent worldwide multiple-media communications network. And to own and control all of the vital international companies on this planet.

Today, my friend, these dreams have become a reality!

After decades of construction, our proprietary worldwide network of large computing devices and cables which we call the Internet ®, has finally been completed. Shown here is the final few miles of cable being sunk into the earth just outside of Tolland, Connecticut. With the world now paying to use THE CORPORATION's Internet ® network, the capital is now available to develop more of our comedy product than ever before and to bring it directly into the homes of our loyal consumers.

And yes, THE CORPORATION has mounted successful hostile takeovers of every world company worthy of aquisition. Whomever you used to work for, we probably own them.

So, welcome to the future, my friend! Work hard to advance the goals of THE CORPORATION, and you will lead a rich and prosperous life. Or don't, and I'll have your head cut off like I did to my son.